Attempted Propellation and Pursuance of Love
by ReleasetheBeast
Summary: This is a follow-up of "Retrospect Brings Clarity". It is what happens after their initial night together and how their relationship develops.
1. Trying to Break Through

_**Attempted Propellation and Pursuance of Love**_

A/N: This is a follow-up of "Retrospect Brings Clarity". It is what happens after their initial night together and how their relationship develops.

I hope you enjoy and any comments are welcomed.

* * *

 _ **Trying to Break Through**_

She hadn't made any effort to show that what had happened between them had actually happened at all. It had been all business in the week since they had made love and Elliot was reaching, grasping, at any flicker of emotion or any nuance of her feelings toward him since. The two cases they were on currently had been taking up their time at the 1-6 and both had been working non-stop trying to find enough evidence to close their cases with only so much as a "morning" and a "goodnight" at the commencement and close to their work days.

He had tried, though. He had tried as hard as he could with the steely gaze that she gave him—in the car, during quick bites to eat, at the coffee station in the pen—but for Olivia it was back to business, their evening as though nothing happened, almost as if she wanted to pretend it didn't happen.

A relationship would be difficult, he knew. He sensed that she felt this, as well. But his new-found freedom, his divorce finally being final, seemed to have had no impact on her desire to venture forward in what might be a possibility of a _them_.

He looked over at her, over his display screen across from him, and saw that she had just sat back down, back with a streaming cup of coffee, the brew obviously way too hot to drink and equally as acidic to stomach. They had always joked about that.

Now, there was no joking and Elliot felt that he couldn't even try to joke with her given the stoic expressions that she emitted as of late.

The last smile had given him in the elevator had been just that—the last glimmer of possibility. It was as though a switch had turned off inside of her—her walls going up, her heart as well as her body and mind off limits, clamping a vice on his own pumping organ.

Now, though it seemed much worse. He almost couldn't take it. Her coldness, her professional demeanor was almost too much to bear. He had thought that with the divorce being final he could finally move on and finally make Olivia Benson his own. Forever.

He cleared his throat lightly and leaned forward and watched for signs of anything at all from her. But there was nothing, just as it had been over the course of the past seven days, and it pained him more than he wished to admit.

She focused on a set of papers in her hand and he couldn't help but let his gaze move down to those two gold necklaces—the ones that had been dangling above him as she made love to him. His mind went to her body as he let his gaze focus on the parting of her black silk blouse, that line of enticing cleavage only leading to the beauty of her full breasts that he had witnessed first-hand, bobbing in front of him, unrestrained. He remembered the look of absolute pleasure on that smooth caramel complexion as she came over and over again, her hips gyrating on top of him, the focus of her own pleasure enough to make him perpetually hard inside of her, wanting to stay ready for her for as many climaxes as her body could take.

It had all dissipated, though. His heart was breaking. He considered himself a tough guy, able to take a lot. More macho and together than most. But this indifference was killing him more than he wanted to admit.

After all, he was now more than estranged from his own family and he felt even more alone than he ever had, even with the woman he loved in such close proximity to him every day—a fantasy that seemed unattainable to him as of late.

"Call from Mrs. Renfro," Fin's voice entered the squad room now. "She says she's ready to make a statement. She's at home…Park and 46th…"

Olivia perked up, her eyes going to the older detective as she simultaneously stood and adjusted her badge on her hip. "Now? I'll go…" She began to grab her leather jacket from the back of her chair.

"I'll go with you," Elliot offered, eyeing her.

Olivia froze in place, just short of placing her arm through the second sleeve, and those chocolate eyes were intense, leery.

"I can go, if Stabler's busy," Fin offered, looking back and forth between his fellow detectives.

He had sensed something was up but didn't ask questions, didn't pry in his usual manner, and Elliot had been fine with that. He didn't want to answer any questions, didn't want to make Olivia uncomfortable in this situation or whatever it was that was happening.

But he had noticed.

"I'll go. I'm her partner." Elliot's gaze was firm on the brunette detective and she finally looked at him.

"Fine," was all she said. She grabbed her sunglasses from the top of her desk and gripped them in her palm before heading toward the elevators, alone, ten paces ahead of him.

He took a deep breath and grabbed his own jacket and keys and was off to follow her, hoping they might have a chance to discuss exactly what was happening between them.

* * *

Olivia kept her gaze out of the passenger seat window and watched the buildings whir by. The past week had been work, work, work and she was glad about that. Enough work to keep her mind on her job and as far away from what had happened with her partner to be comfortable.

But she felt it. His gaze, his questioning glances, those blue eyes burning through her whenever they had to discuss the details of their cases. But she was trying to disconnect. Doing her best to attempt some semblance of normalcy and keep up with appearances as she had done for so many years.

But she was fooling herself.

She could feel the hurt in Elliot. She felt it radiate across the desk, next to her in the interrogation rooms, in the car when she so happened to be in the same four-square foot space as him.

The truth was she didn't know what was happening. She didn't know how this could possibly progress without one of them sacrificing something—the careers they had both worked so hard at achieving, the distance that they had maintained professionally for so long.

The animalistic display she had shown, a fantasy coming to fruition, giving her body so freely to the man that she had wanted for so long wasn't like her and she struggled with that. She had never been one to just so openly give her body to a man, succumb to the desires of the flesh so easily, and it had weighed heavily on her mind. But the fact that it had happened, that he could make her body hum with such pleasure, that she had finally given in to the urges that her body and mind wanted, needed, had not been lost on her.

She had had lovers, true. Meaningless flings in the past that only worked to satisfy her needs, her body desperately wishing for a connection with the few fleeting relationships that she had already had. But this was different. This was Elliot. The man she had kept at an arm's length as far as physicality went. He had been off-limits for so long and now he wasn't.

She wasn't sure why she was being so cold, could only attribute it to self-preservation. If it didn't work out, she didn't know what she would do. He had been the object of her affections, her occasional nightly self-satisfaction sessions, and now she had pierced the skin of the Elliot bubble and now didn't know what to do with it.

He had been so eager to be with her. He had been patient and kind and more than erotically ready. But was that just testosterone? Was that just his desire for intimacy while his own personal life was falling apart? Or was it really something that could be long-term?

"It's apartment 2163," Elliot's voice broke the silence now. He pulled into a space in front of the apartment building and put the car in park before turning the ignition off.

Olivia blinked a couple of times and then cleared her throat. The heady scent of deodorant soap had filled the space of the Caprice and the masculinity of his cologne had her already well-aware that his manliness was in the same space as she.

None of that helped with her contemplative mood.

"OK," she managed. Then she felt it. His gaze on her.

If she looked, she knew she would see those conflicted crystal blue orbs once more.

She was doing this, she knew. It was only he and she only had herself to blame for this situation. She placed her hand on the handle of the car and just as she was about to pull, she felt a warm hand on her left forearm.

"Wait…"

She closed her eyes now, bracing herself. Elliot was about to say something that she wasn't sure she wanted to discuss. But she opened her eyes now and turned to him, seeing the exact expression that she had been eyeing over the past week.

A desperate, pleading longing of a man that truly loved her.


	2. A Breakthrough

And there it was.

Olivia looked deeply into crystal blue eyes now and felt her emotions coming on strong. "Not here, El… _please_ …" Olivia looked back ahead but felt Elliot's gaze on her.

"Then when, Liv? I need to talk to you. I need to talk about this…about us…"

Olivia closed her eyes then, trying to shut everything around her out—including her partner.

"Can we talk soon? Please, Liv. Please give me that. I've been going crazy wondering what you're thinking. What you're thinking about us…if there even still is a possibility of an us…"

Olivia nodded then, eyes still closed. "OK. Can we…" Olivia looked back at the strong man next to her now, his freshly showered body overwhelming her senses as it had been doing lately, "…can we see what happens with this? How late we're gonna work tonight and play it by ear?"

A smile crept along Elliot's face now. God, how she loved to see him smile. It somehow melted her entire being.

"Yeah, Liv…we can do that. I'm willing to talk any time you are. Even if it's at three o'clock in the morning, I'll be ready."

Olivia couldn't help but smile. "Well, Stabler, you know how I am with sleep but we'll see what happens. OK?"

"It's a plan, Liv."

… … … … … …

At twelve-thirty that same evening, Elliot found himself walking down the hallway to Olivia's apartment. She had invited him over to talk, even given the lateness of the evening. He approached the door and knocked before placing his hands back into his dress pants pockets.

A latch sounded, then the chain latch before the door opened, revealing his partner in a pair of navy and white flannel bottoms and a white t-shirt, and from what Elliot could see, no bra.

Her hair was freshly washed and she had that look on her face that Elliot had seen many times that told of exhaustion, of weariness—a look he had seen on that caramel complexion more than a thousand times in the past ten years.

"Hey, El…come on in…" She opened the door wider and stepped aside, letting him in. He looked around, waiting, as she closed the door behind him and secured the locks.

Her apartment was brighter this evening, more lamps on? The sound of whistling coming from the kitchen.

"I'm making tea. Would you like a cup?"

"Sure." Tea wasn't his thing, but he would have a cup to appease the beautiful goddess in front of him.

"Sleepy time…is that OK?"

"Will you be going sleepy time soon, Liv?" he smirked.

"Hopefully…" she eyed him now before moving to the shrieking kettle and removing it from the element. "I'm tired, El…" She began pouring the scalding hot water over two tea bags in two cups.

"I know you are, Liv. I am, too."

"Make yourself comfortable, El. News is on…"

Elliot smiled and moved into the living area, eyeing the news on the TV. "How is the news on right now?"

"I record it. Five o'clock, six o'clock, and ten o'clock. And Bill Maher sometimes."

Elliot smiled again as he made himself comfortable on the sofa, crossing his left ankle over his knee. "Good to know…"

Within a few moments, Olivia was next to him, handing him a cup and seating herself next to him.

"Thanks, Liv." He tried to take a sip but it was more than a little hot. He winced from the scald.

Olivia smiled. "Careful there…"

"Why is it good to know?" she questioned now, eyes burning into his own gaze.

"I…I don't know…just good to know these little things, I guess…"

"Why?" she questioned. Her expression was more curious than angry.

"Liv…" he began, leaning forward to place his mug on the coffee table.

She watched him now, those cocoa orbs burning into his own. "What are we going to do about… _this_?"

He didn't know what to say. About what? Their relationship? The way she looked right then and there, all he wanted to do was get out some of the pent up sexual frustration that he had been feeling since their night of pleasure. He wanted to move on top of her and pleasure her while, in turn, pleasuring himself, as he knew her body to do.

Elliot cleared his throat and refocused on the TV, muted but the anchor still talking about something happening in East Harlem. "I want something with you, Olivia." He looked at her now. "I want something real and lasting and loving with you…"

He watched as her eyes left him and moved downward to her mug, He watched her thumb begin to stroke the handle of her white cup. He watched as those chocolate eyes begin to tear.

"I want it, too, El…but I don't understand how we can—"

"We _can_ , Liv…I _know_ we can…" He tried to lower his head to make eye contact, which she finally did.

"You're living in a hotel. We work with each other every single day. How can we have a relationship, El? It seems… _impossible_ …"

Elliot only shook his head.

"But…Cragen…we'd have to tell him…"

"Maybe…" Elliot cleared his throat of the rasp. "Maybe we would have to…"

"He'd have to know, El…we might not be able to work together any more…" Her eyes filled with even more tears now. "And I don't think I could do that…" He watched her visibly swallow. "Not the best partner I've ever had…"

"Olivia…" he began.

"I want you so badly, El. Right now. But my mind…my exhaustion…I can't see myself on top of you, letting you…"

She didn't have to finish her sentence. He knew what she wanted to say. He only smiled now, aware of the thoughts that she was having. "I could say that…you wouldn't have to do anything…I could take top and—"

"Elliot…" she cocked her head to the side.

"I'm sorry…"

Her expression became serious now. "But this is there. It's been here and no one can deny that…"

"I know, Liv…it has…"

"So what do we do?" she questioned, her face pleading.

"We start from the beginning? Date? Take it slowly?"

She studied him and nodded. "I would like that, El."

"Me, too."

"Can we cuddle tonight? Until you get sleepy from your sleepy time?"

Olivia chuckled. "We can do that, El." She moved closer now, mug in hand, and pressed her body into his.

He wrapped his arm around her and smiled, inhaling the scent of her freshly washed hair, and just let things be.

A new beginning with Olivia Benson was about to happen.

And Elliot Stabler couldn't have been happier.


End file.
